How Do I Start Taking Care of Myself When I’m Overwhelmed?
If taking care of yourself feels like one more thing you’re failing to get around to, start here: identify one need you’ve been postponing, take one manageable action to meet it, and make space to repeat that action. You can begin before you have a perfect morning routine, a clear calendar, or money for a weekend away.
But there’s another part of this conversation we need to have: what keeps using up the time and energy you need for yourself? Because adding self-care to a schedule that already exhausts you may leave you with another task and the same problem.
Start with what you actually need today
You wake up and immediately start responding. Somebody needs a ride. Your phone has messages. Work has a deadline. There’s something in the refrigerator you meant to cook, a bill you need to check, and a decision you keep putting off.
By the time you finally sit down, you can barely answer the question, “What do I want?”
So make the question more specific: “What do I need today that I keep postponing?” Maybe it’s lunch. Quiet. A shower without rushing. A conversation with someone who will listen without immediately asking you for something.
Choose the need that stands out. Then take the smallest useful action toward meeting it. Eat before answering another nonurgent message. Sit somewhere quiet for five minutes. Send the appointment request you’ve been carrying around in your head.
Let your actual need guide the action.
Choose something you can repeat on a difficult day
It’s easy to design a self-care routine for the imaginary version of yourself who sleeps beautifully, finishes work on time, and has an uninterrupted evening.
Build something for the woman living your actual life. For example:
- After making your morning drink, spend three minutes checking in with yourself before opening social media.
- Take your lunch break away from your work whenever possible.
- Before bed, write down what needs your attention tomorrow so you have somewhere to return to it.
- Choose one evening when you stop volunteering for extra responsibilities.
Start with one commitment. Give it a specific place in your day. “I’ll make more time for myself” is easy to postpone. “After dinner, I’m taking ten minutes to write before I start cleaning up” gives you something concrete to follow through on.
Look at what you can stop carrying
This is where self-care can get uncomfortable. You may be very good at stepping in. You notice what needs doing, remember what everyone forgets, and solve problems before anyone else has to think about them. People can get used to that.
For Black women who recognize themselves in the expectation to be strong, dependable, and endlessly capable, stepping back may bring guilt. You might worry that someone will be disappointed or that things won’t get done the way you would do them.
Ask yourself: “What am I repeatedly doing that another person could take responsibility for?”
Choose one thing to hand back, simplify, postpone, or decline. Be specific when you ask for help:
“Can you handle dinner on Wednesday, including deciding what we’re eating?”
“I need you to manage that appointment from scheduling through transportation.”
“I can listen for ten minutes, but I don’t have the capacity for a long conversation tonight.”
Support becomes more useful when the other person understands what taking responsibility involves.
Give yourself somewhere to tell the truth
Sometimes you know you’re overwhelmed, but everything feels tangled together. Writing can give you a place to sort through what deserves attention. Start with these three questions:
- What is taking the most out of me right now?
- What do I need more of?
- What can I change, request, or stop doing this week?
Keep your answers honest and specific.
“I need peace” might become, “I need to stop answering work messages during dinner.”
“I need support” might become, “I need someone else to handle school pickup twice this week.”
“I miss myself” might become, “I want to go dancing again, and I need to put it on the calendar.”
Now you have something you can act on.
What if taking care of myself makes me feel guilty?
You might feel guilty the first time you let a call go unanswered or ask someone else to handle a responsibility. Before automatically changing your decision, pause and ask: “Have I neglected something urgent, or am I uncomfortable because I usually make myself available?”
That distinction matters. You can care about people and give them a clear answer about your availability. You can be dependable and still need rest. You can love your family and want time that belongs to you.
Practice following through on one reasonable commitment to yourself, even when it feels unfamiliar.
Build a week that includes you
Here’s the part that deserves your attention: if every moment of care has to happen after everyone else is finished needing you, it will keep getting pushed back.
Look at the coming week and choose:
- One need you will address.
- One responsibility you will share or simplify.
- One period of time you will protect for yourself.
Keep the plan realistic enough to use. Small actions can give you a starting point. Over time, also pay attention to the conditions making you feel overwhelmed and what support or changes they require.
If stress, anxiety, or sadness is interfering with everyday life, reach out to a qualified mental health professional. Getting support belongs in your care plan, too.
A place to begin
If you want guided space to check in with yourself, explore what needs to change, and put your next steps into words, explore our Reset & Radiate: A Guided Journal for Women Rebuilding with Power & Peace at bountyandbliss.com.
Your assignment this week: Finish this sentence, then put the action on your calendar:
“This week, I’m taking care of myself by __________.”
What keeps getting postponed in your life: rest, meals, quiet, joy, or asking for help?
Don't forget to drink your water and mind your business.